11:06 pm - Friday, Oct. 07, 2005
2.
unbelievably i sit down here to write.
i have found a few moments to type something out here.
i did it, i gave birth to a child.
and it's just like you've always heard...
frightening and amazing.
she's tiny, but not as small as many.
but she's bright and her hands are always moving, groping for something to hold on to, often it's my hair.
Nola Isobel is the reason the planet keeps circling the sun, i swear to you.
kanye spits through the wire, playing off movie cliches.
and i bob my head, looking down at the baby in her chair, and i smile at her, even through i know she's too far away to be able see me at this point in her life.
I'm living in iowa.
i moved here from chicago, to live with linus. this was all before i knew i was knocked up.
linus and i agree if we hadn't gotten pregnant that i would have moved back to chicago.
i almost went back at 8 months pregnant. but linus seduced me back some how.
fear.
I'm not afraid of him. I'm afraid of life with out him.
but now that i've had Nola, i know that she's all i need. and if i ever got truly fed up than i know i could leave so long as i had my baby girl.
my nights no longer contain dirty jokes and shots of vodka.
they keep me up with baby whimpers and night feedings, i lay on the bed, and flop one breast into nola's mouth and then we both pass out while she's eating.
